expecting

yes, you read it correctly, we are expecting. we have surprised many of you with accidental run-ins or the little preggo girl on my facebook family because you just didn't know. some one today said, "umm, no announcement?" and, well, if you have known us for almost five years or more, then this is no surprise. some have called us the best secret keepers they know and others think we are absolutely crazy, but we think we get to enjoy a very special blessing to ourselves before it becomes everyone else's focus. as many of you know, we kept our first pregnancy a secret until 12 weeks, our second pregnancy a secret until 10 weeks, our third pregnancy a secret until recently and our fourth pregnancy a secret until 15 weeks. that is correct also, this is our fourth pregnancy and one that we hold very special as we believe this baby is more about God's timing than any of the others. josh and i have never "planned" a baby in the thought out manner. we have always wanted a family of at least 3 (many of you know i have always wanted a huge family) and wanted the children to be close in age (we are each 6 1/2 years apart from our brothers). as much as we wanted a family, we were busy being married and didn't notice the years passing by. i remember on my 25th birthday crying because i couldn't believe i was 25 and we hadn't had a baby-not because we were trying because we weren't, but just because almost 4 years had passed and we hadn't thought about it. ironically, i was pregnant before i turned 26. we always thought 2 years between children sounded good. (remind you this is before having children.) so, when carter was 9 months old, some friends of ours found out they were expecting their second. while i was surprised by how close in age they would be, it only took a few minutes of math to see the small window that we had if we were going to have children two years apart. at the same time, we were living in two cities (sometimes together and sometimes apart), trying to sell a house, etc. it just wasn't the time to talk in depth about it, much less try. but, little did we know that in the middle of all that chaos, God's plan was falling into place and after deciding to stay in memphis and moving into a new house, we found out that we were expecting again. after the arrival of miller, we thought uhh, maybe our next baby should be a little further apart from this one than the last. we thought maybe 2 1/2 years instead of 1 1/2 years. so, once again, we are cruising along getting into a routine with our children and josh starting a new business and all the craziness of life when i realize something is missing. umm, huh? so i do some math and call my doctor for a visit. when we went into the doctor, they did an ultrasound because i had an uncomfortable feeling about everything. thank goodness my doctor listened to my concern because we found out that day that we had miscarried. it was more overwhelming than i ever could have thought. but, at the same time, i had two healthy, beautiful babies at home. one of the hardest parts was knowing how badly my little girl wanted a baby sister, had been praying for that sister. when we came home after the d&c, she asked me, "what did you do with the baby that was in your tummy?" we had never discussed the pregnancy with her or around her. several days later as she watched me change miller's diaper she said, "i am not your last baby and miller is not your last baby." umm, wow! but, josh and i were thinking maybe he was. see, josh had always said, we have two healthy babies, why not just enjoy them. and, i could not imagine going through all of this again. so, we decided to just wait. wait until it wasn't so fresh and we could think clearly. so, we put ourselves into everything around us and just tried to move forward. well, things went a little differently than i was told after the surgery. i know i read that pamphlet like a hundred times trying to read more into it than was there. so, after several weeks, i gave up and made another appointment. i remember with each person i spoke to seeing in their face and hearing it in their voice, it didn't look good, the statistics were against us. see, i am notorious for waiting to go to the doctor. on babies 2 & 4, our first appointment was at almost 11 weeks. so, in the waiting time with this one, i had given this to God. i couldn't do this all again. i told him, he would have to carry me through this because the wounds were too fresh. that i trusted him and that if this was his will, then we trusted him and would wait and follow him through it. but, then i had to have an appointment where the truth would be revealed and the skeptics were present. so, after a routine visit with my doctor and the typical noneffective doplar (hasn't worked on any of my babies at this point), they sent us to the ultrasound waiting area. here, we waited for 3 hours, yes, 3 hours, for our ultrasound. we were both about to be sick. it was miserable-the waiting and waiting and waiting. and, then, when they called us in, the fill-in for the regular ultrasounographer warned us, "i am not really good at it this early, it sometimes takes a while to find the baby." she put the wand right in the middle of my belly, and there it was, a beautiful, precious beating heart and all the rest of the baby too!! we were so excited. she did her thing while josh and i laughed and cried about the amazing miracle that God creates in us. and, yes, after we left, we kept the precious information to ourselves (and our parents). we decided to wait until the next appointment to tell anyone. partially because we didn't have a due date (everyone had gone to lunch after all that time and so they called my doctor who said congratulations and give blood before leaving) and partially because that is just us. we only told one other couple in the next month, but only because they asked us outright. and, yes, we are that exact about it-we will not lie, but you have to ask us point blank. so, after 15 weeks, we started telling a few people here and there. i told my boss and she told my pod (the girls i teach with) and really i have just waited until i see people to tell them. many people emailed me on facebook, but mostly, we have just kept it to us. and it is so precious to us because of that. plus, when i tell people, they usually get some version of this long story, but usually they still have to at least look at me funny before i say the words. so, we are excited to say that on august 18th, we found out that carter will be getting the baby sister she has so adamantly prayed for . . . 

look at our little gymnast. 

in the other picture, she was literally standing on her head. 

please keep us in your prayers as we await this precious gift from God. we know that his plan is always better than ours. and, we can't wait to see what he has in store for her.